The Fullness of the Day

I'm reading/doing 'Simple Abundance' and 'The Artist's Way' again. It was ten years ago when I last did them and I can't help but notice what a totally different place I am in this time.

Ten years ago, I was desperate for 'soul food' - starved, it seemed. There were, besides Brian & I, four teenagers in this house, five kids counting my oldest daughter's boyfriend. The physical presence of so many people in a space, all of us carrying great amounts of emotional/hormonal 'luggage', was suffocating & draining at times. I loved it, mind you, and was happy - but I think that it had been so long since I was my own person - actually I had never gotten to that point - that I thought that I might never arrive there. That person was struggling so desperately to emerge, that I read everything 'soul' oriented that I could get my hands on. So many of the exercises, like the 'artist's date', even daily pages, seemed like such an extravagance and completely out of reach.
Fast (and I mean FAST) forward ten years. My house is quiet. That's been a surprisingly easy adjustment because I've filled my day and my life with lots of other wonderful things - friends, adventure, creation. And thankfully, my brood is all just minutes away from me, so at any given moment, the house is filled with the chaos & noise that it (and me) is accustomed to and thrives on.

Where I used to crave 30 minutes that I could call my own, I now have the entire day to fill as I choose. It's wonderful and exciting - but I wouldn't trade those days where my life was governed by the needs & wants of my children, for anything. If not for that, I wouldn't appreciate what I have now. I wouldn't be aware of how I've changed. And I wouldn't be reading Simple Abundance & The Artist's Way, with completely new eyes.

There is a line in the book, 'The Red Tent', that I think of almost daily: " in her hands, she held the fullness of the day, numbering the pleasure of work and the sweetness of children." I say ... Amen.

Here We Go Again

For about the last twenty years, on January 1st, I write a dozen or so goals (as opposed to resolutions in the fact that I actually plan on accomplishing them) at the front of my new journal/calendar and I go over the list from the previous year to see what I accomplished. Never have I been able to check off more than three or four. I add the ones that are still relevant to the current year's list - some of them have been there for all twenty years ... actually most of them - like, losing weight, being more physically active, getting my pictures in order, dunging out and organizing my house.
On last year's list, was 'Start a Blog'. I get to check that one off this year ... ONE entry qualifies for START. This year the listed goal is to actually WRITE in it - more than once. I wasn't motivated much to keep it updated, because I thought - who is ever going to find this thing? And who really cares what I say/think/do? I guess that's not the point of a personal GOAL. So I'm going to give it a shot ... again.

And once again, I'm going to give a shot at Losing Weight, Getting More Physically Active, Dunging Out This House, Putting My Pictures in Order. The one thing about not actually accomplishing ones goals during the year - saves me time on January First, having to spend time thinking of new ones.

OH OH EIGHT.... Here we come!

Leap ... and the Net shall appear.

You'd have to wonder why I would jump into yet another technological challenge when I haven't mastered the last one (my website) or even kept it updated for that matter. It's simply because I'm always up for a challenge and I LOVE technology. Not that I don't find it frustrating, irritating at times, time consuming ... I do. But I also find it amazing & exciting & fun. I'm going to be the little old lady at the Nursing Home, in a rocker with a laptop on knee instead of an afghan.

I can't imagine who actually would ever read this. But that's okay. I've got four kids - I'm used to no one listening when I talk. Actually, it would concern me more if I actually thought that someone WAS reading it, then I might have to pay attention to what I'm saying.

This was a GOAL for 2007. One of the other goals was to actually accomplish one of my goals. Two birds with one stone. I'm on a roll. Let's see if I can ever find this again.