Saturday, December 31, 2011

What's the Point?

In a matter of hours, it’s over. 2011.  It has been a wonderful, full, rich year.  For our family, there was only one single fly in the ointment – the loss of our dear Abby. And really, that is quite remarkable.  Illness & loss & not-necessarily-good change is part of everyone’s world and that we can only point to one heartbreak over the year is, as I say – Remarkable.      

I am grateful. Every single day, I am grateful. In fact, when I climb into bed each and every night, I snuggle down and I give God my list of the FIVE things that I am grateful for that day.  Most often, the very first that comes to mind is that I am grateful for a warm and comfortable bed when so many in this world do not have that simple luxury.  Back in 1997 I wrote the five things I was grateful for each day. It was enough of a ‘diary’ that reading those single sentence entries would bring back the entire day to me. I have often thought during my night time regime, that I need to get back into that habit.

I do need to. It is the habit of writing that I have most sorely missed this past year.  It is a habit. When I do it regularly, the words come naturally. I think of a dozen things a day to ‘talk about’.  With falling from the habit of writing here – which I really, really do love to do – I have found myself being ‘frozen’ – having no clue how I can even begin to write about something.  When I am ‘In the Habit’, the smallest things are a story. Lately, nothing seems worthy of words.  That’s out of character for me.

A few months ago, I had the most lovely compliment when I was contacted by ‘BECOME.COM’ saying: “We would like to feature you in our Best of the Web, our weekly series recognizing the most interesting websites on the web.” I was honoured. And shocked. I didn't expect that someone actually READS my blog and they could think that anything that I would have to say as I ramble away to myself is even remotely of interest to anyone else.  The sweet gal who issued the invitation asked that I send a couple sentence to ‘describe my blog to someone whose never heard of it.’  In other words – ‘what's the point’?

Upon reading all the wonderful blogs that they have featured, I REALLY froze. I became totally intimidated in the stark reality that IS no point. There is no focus, no intent, no redeeming educational factor, no Greater Good. It’s just me. Me ... yattering about my insignificant little corner of the world. Randomly commenting on what pops into my mind on any given day. Suddenly, that was just not good enough. I got to thinking that there really SHOULD be a point. Me muttering about the goats in my flowerbed, a light that shines forever, my relationship to my fur-covered friends is of no interest to the world in general.  Simple as that.

I couldn’t follow up on that sweet & generous invitation because I am not worthy of a feature on anything.  I starting looking to change, to focus so perhaps I would be worthy. The truth is – it’s just not going to happen. My thoughts are random. My life is random.  I can’t explain any of it. If I wait until I discover the 'point' of anything - I will remain frozen.

I don't like living in a frozen state creatively. I need to rediscover that part of my being. I need to get back into The Habit.  The well is primed & ready ... a new year is on the horizon.

In 2012... I will write more – even if it is about Nothing Particular.  I will get back to ‘seeing photographs’ all around me and capturing them. I will get back to my studio and pull out all that wonderful stuff that I have been neglecting over the past year. And I will continue to do what I did all throughout 2011 – which was to expand my Circle, make new friends, have new adventures and generally LOVE all the people in my life, and indeed - just love and be grateful for Life itself. THAT is the point of my life, and I suppose, perhaps that is the ‘point’ of my blog … creating a Passionate Life from the very ordinary.